7 Oct 2009 – no flow
October 7, 2009 §
“when it gets like this she stops taking pictures.”
that’s the line i thought of today.
lau asked me the other night if i’d keep this blog going.
i told her claro que si.
before it’s all about not having any fluid loss. spotting. blood.
now that’s all we’re waiting for.
waiting for all of it to rush out in blood. gestational sac. embryo.
if this doesn’t happen they have to ‘vaccuum it out.’
if not there is risk of bleeding disorder.
the doctor comes ‘highly recommended.’
when it gets like this my default mode is anger.
middle knuckle of right hand swollen.
we’re visiting the accupuncturist again today.
this feels ‘totally desperate’ to me.
but there’s no flow.
lau is scared of going to surgery center.
they say 1 in 3 women have miscarriages
i’ve been repeating that too.
one of my friends have told me “this will get better.’
he mentioned ‘the duality of life.’
i understand how we’re still moving downstream ‘in spite of all this’ but it doesn’t ‘help’ at all.
my parents are on a Mediterranean cruise right now.
the people living here have no connection to us.
that’s the worst for me–there’s nobody around; it’s all on the fucking internet.
i hear them right now, my girls, opening the door to the pool.
layla is calling for food, queso, then changes her mind.
she wants to give the dogs a treat.
in 40 minutes we have to get in the car.